Negative state of emotion of mine

This term we got the Anatomy & Physiology IIIb (bones, joints & muscles), Pathology, Bach Flower Remedies, Aromatic Chemistry & Pharmacology, Aromatherapy Foundation, Aromatic Massage, Reflexology, Lymphatic Drainage, Tinting & Earpieceing and Service Anatomy from Mon to Fri, 09:00 to 15:30 or 09:00 to 17:30.

On every Mon and Tue, we have 4 quizzes - 2 on Anatomy & Physiology IIIb, 1 on Pathology and 1 on Bach Flower Remedies, therefore, every Sun and Mon night, I needed to sacrifice my sleeping time for studying...

Last Sat & Sun, I spent 2 whole days at home to study and slept only 3 to 4 hours on the Sun and Mon nights.

I am fine with Bach Flower Remedies and Pathology, but not on Anatomy & Physiology IIIb, as the origin and insertion of different muscles, surfaces of bones are very confusing...omg, it's so easy to mix up everythings! I have no alternatives but did the revision again and again...but still forgot everythings!!! How terrible you can imagine?

I am too tired and couldn't concentrate at all. Then I lost half of the marks in one of the quizzes. I was so regreted that I don't really looked at the questions carefully...This is a very good lession to me. After this failure, I spent a lot of time on my study and got full marks on the 4 quizzes this week.

I summarized the notes on the system cards, highlighted important parts and even drew the bones and muscles on a hard white card to facilitate my revision. I wrote the details on the back of the cards so I can look at the front for the bones/muscles, then think about the origins, insertions and actions. Turn to the back and check if it's correct or not.

For the aromatic chemistry assignment (my topic is Rose essential oil), I read a lot of aromatherapy books, searched in internet for the information. I paid a lot of effort to finalize my assignment, include all the available information and lovely pictures to add value to it.

For the poster, I got the pictures from magazines and I spent around one and a half hour to draw the roses (Rosa Centifolia and Rosa Damascena), filled the color.

I rehearse my presentation 3 times on last night, prepared the rose water in a spray bottle, took the real rose Rosary from the drawer as a tool for my presentation.

I am the only student who presented by today as I will be the CIDESCO model for a senior student next week so I couldn't show up in class at that time. I got the permission from the lecturer last week to do this today and worked hard to prepare for today's presentation.

I prepared everythings, the cohesive tape to fix the poster on the board, the materials to be shared with the class, the system cards as a reminder.

Finally it's over. My classmates greeted me for the excellent performance of my presentation. My lecturer, Joycelyn also highly appreciated my work and said it's very entertaining and fantastic...

I should be happy especially when the response was far beyond my expectation, but it didn't bring much pleasure to me...

I started to become apathetic again, which was happened when I was 15.

Everythings seems so unreal. Everybody arounds me said I am good at that and that, so I started to doubt about my ability again...

If I am so perfect according to them, why I feel so alone and detached from others? They all concern and care about me, but I still have a strong feelings that I am alone.

And I believe that, all this is just an illusion. One day all will pass away, I still on my own...

Maybe that's the reason why I wanted to stand back. I don't want to be hurted again. I should stay in my cave, licking my wounds on my heart...

No one really cares about me. Even if it's not true, I need to persuade myself that this is the reality, in order to prevent the tumour...

They said I am always over-enthusisic, indeed, I just work my best to pull myself back to the world, to the people only.

BTW, 2 more weeks to go before the summer term break. It will be all over soon, but the stress on upcoming quizzes and exams is just too much to bear…

No matter what, I think I can overcome it. I have the courage and energy to do that.